Pouring from an Empty Jug

We all know that the term 'good friend' frequently includes being the ‘go-to’ person for advice. People tend to confide in you and generally seek guidance based on problems or situations they may be going through at the time. But what happens when you, as the ‘go-to’ person, the one people heavily rely on for support, requires emotional guidance of your own? Should you ignore your feelings, wants, and needs to maintain your reputation of being reliable?

A person viewed as the ‘strong friend’ is repeatedly placed on a pedestal, where people are liable to ignore the immutable fact that he or she is human. Feeling the need to live up to that description, the strong friend tends to ignore any emotion that would cause him or her to fall short of expectations. Nice people are likely to put others first, regardless of their pain. The idea of fixing their issues first is opposed by beliefs of being selfish.

Undoubtedly, in this case, I believe that selfishness is evident when we put ourselves last. It is important to focus on your healing first before you try to heal anyone else. Self-care is often neglected by people who think they need to save the world. The truth is, you are no superhero, you are superhuman. It is remiss to think that you need to give someone all of your energy to be their friend or by extension, nice. Work on perfecting your energy and making yourself happy.

Here’s why! Let’s think of good energy as water in a jug. As a good friend, your jug is usually full, when this happens, you can think quickly and advise wisely. This is why friends come to you with their issues. But let's say on this day, in particular, it is very low. Your friend- whose cup is always empty- comes to you for a ‘top-up’. However, you find it difficult to be positive because your jug of good energy is at its last drops. If you pour what is left from your jug into your friend’s cup, yours becomes empty or even lower than before. Instead, consider saying, “I am not in a good place today so I am finding it difficult to motivate or advise you the way I would like to”. Trust me; a good friend would understand this.

Spend time filling your jug. You could always go back to your friend later when you are in a better place emotionally. It is easy to misinterpret what I am saying, so allow me to give another example. If a friend tells you he or she is about to commit suicide, you shouldn’t ignore that person. Seek help and try to calm your friend as much as you can until emergency personnel can take over. My point remains, however, that just like the jug of water, people could drain you and make you feel emotionally exhausted.

The ‘strong friend’ doesn’t always have to be strong. Stop assuming that is your role. Speak positivity and life into yourself to maintain a full jug. If this doesn’t work, talk to someone else who could fill you up as needed. Avoid losing self amid pleasing everyone. Remember, no one benefits when you try to pour from an empty jug.